Two nights ago, I was just passing by a street when I saw a bill board saying “There is no great happiness than to love and be loved”. Ironically, I have heard two youngsters saying that love is truly a time wastage, the same evening, and I laughed over this much ambiguity of people on the same thing. Elif Shafak wrote in her book, Forty Rules of Love”,
“Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected
transformation. If we are the same person before and after
we have loved, that means we haven’t loved enough.”
This is what I striking I personally find in the concept of love; Change and Transformation.” Different people define love in different ways. Majority take it as only physical relationship between two persons or having goose bumps or butterflies while seeing someone but I do not move with this definition and I know majority of my readers will also not agree over it. For me love, in the words of Elif Shafak, is,
“…. to love human beings with all their imperfections
and that’s I guess is far more difficult. I quote her again and again because I personally love her explanation of love and I would suggest you to read her at least once in your life time.
The problem arises when we start expecting the other person, definitely whom we love, to be free from all the weaknesses or mistakes. Wait! are u loving a robot or a machine? Many of us have heard our folks saying that left and right hand are made to fit in each other or as science writes,
“Two opposites attract each other.”
The point to elaborate is firstly, that person can’t ever be exactly similar to you in likes or dislikes; so you need to respect the difference. Secondly, he can’t be a saint or priest, whom we take as totally innocent. All you need to do is accept other as they are as they are, if you say you LOVE them, and just stop idolizing them as a baby newly born (because only they are free from all the guilt). How many times a day you commit some mistake in front of your mother and she just covers that up? you know why? Because she “loves” you. How would it be if she just kicks you out of the home when you lie to her or smoke without her permission. Actually she will never do any such thing because, repeating, she “Loves” you. So, this is “Love”; changing your standards for others. Maybe your mother hates smokers but accepts you when you come to her after smoking. This is the state when you are in a position of “war” with your own self. Your mind is beeping, no that’s not good but your heart denies your mind. Why? because you “Love” the other person.
“Love to me is someone talking to me, if you needed
me to I would jump out of the planet for you.”
That’s what the true love is, loving the other person even more than your life and without any concern. You know that the other person would not do the same for you but you still the best you can even after rejecting every logic your mind proves. Love is a promise never to turn back once you started to move on even if you have to set back from your established patterns. For those who say that love is a time wastage; man! have you ever loved the way it is loved? Have you ever tried to find out what the love demands? Love is unconditional, it’s free from expectations or limitations and not everyone is good in it,
“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important
than your own.”
Isn’t it be unfair to love other for what they are not? You don’t want to sacrifice for other what they are not? You don’t want to sacrifice anything for other, you don’t want to change yourself for other, still you think you are in the position of saying that love is a waste of time. Firstly, gather the courage of getting swirled from your standards, manage the strife within one own self and then try to enunciate anything about what love is. Rumi, a great saint says,
“We don’t need to hunt for love outside ourselves.
All we need to do is to eliminate the barriers inside
that keeps us away from love.”